March

After resolving myself to do some asskicking, I've reached March unsure of how much ass I've kicked.  Part of  me feels like I haven't done much teaching since before Martin Luther King Jr. day.  We've had the Inauguration, 2 x 2 day school wide assessments, snowday, sick day, parent conferences day, and other random chunks of days that were just lopped off of my teaching schedule.  I entered the beginning of 2009 with many of these obstacles in mind, and unfortuantely more were added along the way.  Despite making fun of my housemate for lamenting the 'lack of instructional time' earlier in the year, I've strated doing the same thing.  

This lost time adds up to teaching that isn't quite as good as it could be, or learning that isn't quite as extensive as it should be.  Coping with this shortened teaching time, among other things, has been difficult for me.  TFA instills mindsets that have really taken hold.  Right now, those mindsets are doing battle with what I see in the classroom.  TFA says that everything that happens in your classroom is up to you.  Student failures - your fault.  Student successes - your fault.  TFA says that deep down, all students/parents want what is best for the students - namely a high quality education.  What TFA says, though, isn't always what happens.

Confronting real situations has put a hurting on my confidence and made me constantly question my own work ethic.  Schedules have made my teaching periods erratic; my curriculum is out of synch and jumbled around.  Directives from my administration pull me in different directions than I want to go.  After 1.75 yeras with one student, our relationship has finally gotten to the point physical escalation, near expulsion, and him being moved to the other ESL class.  Unfortunately, for him, this class is nowhere near as rigorous as mine.  What frustrates me is that he's getting exactly what he wants, which is a less challenging education.  Instead of forcing him to deal with me get an education, everyone is fine with rewarding his awful behavior and giving up on him.  

Are the failures in behavior and academic achievement really my sole responsibility?  Were the failures avoidable?  What should I have done differently along the way?  If students really want what's best for them, why did I fail to get my difficult students to see that?  

To reassure me that I've produced some difference in my students, people say 'just being there makes a difference', or 'you can't save everyone'.  To some extent, these sentiments are true, and pragmatically this is probably the way I should look at my situation.  Unfortuantely, TFA has made me obsessed with evaluating my performance and my efforts.  I end up always wondering what more I could have done, and what more could I do in the future if I just worked a little smarter, or messed around on the internet a little less, or thought about teaching a particular lesson with more exciting different strategy (this ring...this watch...these earrings).  I know, realistically, that I can't be a TFA and teaching robot, and I feel a bit guilty about that.  As awful as being a TFA robot would be, it might make my teaching self esteem a big higher.  

Perhaps, like Boyce, I need a little distance to reflect on what I've done in Memphis and what Memphis has done to me.

I've applied to work at Institute in Atlanta.  Hopefully my TFA spirit rebounds at the end of the year.

Obama

Currently sitting in my classroom, N207, at HRMS in Memphis, TN.  I'm watching the inauguration ceremony of Barack Obama.  It's awesome.

Ass Kicking

Memphis is in for an ass kicking.  I am returning to the city tomorrow.  I am leaving the comfort of Philadelphia / Haverford / Hershey / Pittsburgh for the second to last time.  For the last week, I've been dreading this upcoming Sunday.  I've got to become that other person.  Mr. Golden.  Lesson plans.  Assessments.  Performing.  Reprimanding.  It is a difficult transition.  Trying to always improve your teacing is no walk in the park.  But instead of being paralyzed by what I have to do, I am going to kick its ass.  Look out.

Things I did over winter break:

*Turned down a free round trip and a stay in a Chicago airport hotel  to make sure I got to Philly in one day's worth of air travel.

*Regretted not buying bros Central BBQ shirts.

*Played tackle football with the Horsham guys.

*Ice skating with Brittany in South Park - we practiced on the baby rink for a bit, then ventured over to the hockey rink.  She held her own.  I was lucky enough to go without falling as well, unlike Jan 07 in NYC when I busted my hip on the last go round.  

*New Year's eve with Brittany in Hershey.  We hit up a nice restaurant, had some champagne, and watched the Dick Clark / Ryan Seacrest / Kelly Pickler team.   Besides the Dick Clark stuff, it was a fantastic, if slightly lower key night than Goat City parties in the past.

*Hanging with the Goats, eating at Bella.

Things I did over Thanksgiving:

*Dinner at Brittany's.  Kind of scary with the whole mythology about meeting relatives and doing holidays with them.  Definitely a different crowd than my usual Thanksgivings with the bros and the parents.  The average age of the people at the dinner besides Brittany and I was probably 65-70.  Some interesting conversations that seemed typically elderly, namely complaining about kids wearing pants below their waists.  Literally.

Things I did over fall break (way back in October).  

*Pennsylvania Reanaissance Fair with Brittany in Hershey.  Saw a sword swallower.  Drank some fine beer.  Took in a couple of shows.  Heard a lot of people say 'Thank ye' and other ole Enlgish slangs.  Definitely a highlight of my semester.

Memphis' Next Top Model

Today I proctored these ludicrous assessments in the auditorium.  I was in there with one other teacher and about 70 kids.  One 6th grade girl, cute as a button, says to me, "Mr. Golden, I just told her that I think you should be a supermodel."  She said it with all honesty and sincerity.  I was flattered.  Being a supermodel seems more appealing than being a teacher, certainly. 

Summer 2k8

As it gets cold, and as it gets lonelier down here in Memphis (schoolwork is not a good best friend), I figured reflection on the summer would be a good antidote.  With the duties of photjournalist for my school's exhibition of student work this pat week, I refamiliarized myself with photos from this summer.  Here are some of the highlights.

Trouble's Birthday Party.  Good to see the Goats.  Nathan Patton broke my watch, however.

Danny's Graduation.  

Brittany's Family's cabin in central PA.  On the trip I was reading 'Into the Wild'.  Felt tough using an outhouse and shooting a gun up there.  Lot of quality time with Brittany's parents.

Pirates Game and Kennywood Park.  Bought cheap seats at PNC Park.  Beautiful view of the city.  Enjoyed some Quaker Steak N Lube wings before the game.  We walked around the park where the 3 rivers meet, had a few brews at a bar, then went to the game.  Unfortunatley, the game was postponed and we stood around for an hour or so in the rain, then went home.  Also went to Kennywood Park sometime during that week.  Brittany convinced me to go on one of those rides that goes straight up and then just drops you.  I was the one freaking out.  Think the swings or the pirate ship may have been  my favorite.

Cait Schopp's Wedding.  Standard Brittany pose.  Reception and hotel pool / grotto were outstanding.  

Wildwood.  We went to Wildwood the day after the reception.  We had no hotel reservations, which was a big concern of ours.  Got into Wildwood around 7, checked out about 35 hotels / motels in the Crest, but found that they all had no vacancies.  Luckily, the Pier6600, a place Brittany's family always stayed, came through, and we found a room for a reasonable price considering the circumstances.  Extremely relaxing to be at the beach with Brittany - couldn't have asked for a better close to the summer.  Maybe the weather could've been nicer.

Yankees game at Yankee Stadium.  Day after we got back from Wildwood, we headed up to NYC to catch a Yankees game.  I was really happy that my dad was able to take us up there.  He'd been talking about it for so long, and it was great that we all got to go up there.  Brittany and I were a little tired, but we made it through.  

 I think writing about this in August would've brought my spirits down a notch, since I'd be so far removed from all of this.  Luckily, in a little more than a week, I'm heading home and to Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving.  First time I'll be doing a holiday at Brittany's - will just be great to be with her for a bit, despite all the extra fanfare.

Stay Positive

Last year I recall being fairly stubborn when it came to something that Ari said about having faith in all of her kids, even the most brazenly defiant, that they can do great things.  With TFAY2 1/4 finished, I have been leaning more heavily on positivity in the classroom as a method of 'discipline'.  I am fed up with the absurd power struggles that go on between every person at my school, every second of the day.  I dont' want to continue presenting a false front as a tough guy disciplinarian because it doesn't work.  It runs a bit deeper than being fed up, though; I think I'm realizing students won't change paths in life unless they start believing in their own ability to get things done.

One eighth grader in my class, JL, is a student who I had last year.  He's a good soccer player and a capable student when he chooses to perform tasks.  He's a likable guy.  At the same time, he is totally erratic in class, in the hallways, and everywhere in between.  Simply put - he does what he wants.  JL, though, frequently does things that teachers intimidate him into doing with their physical presence or straight up threats.  That's not really how I operate, and when I have tried to operate that way, it didn't work.  This year with JL, I'm trying to be shower him with praise at every opportunity I get.  I want him to be sick of me telling him how good of a job he is doing, even if it's only for focused behavior that lasts for 30 seconds.

Last year, I specifically was thinking of JL when Ari was telling us we should believe that all of our kids can do well and that they need reinforcement and hope.  With JL, I get glimpses of the good student he can be.  The last expository essay that he wrote (yes, he sometimes does his work) was light years better than the essay he wrote back in August, despite his goose egg in he homework column for the whole year.  JL gets ripped into by teachers every day - his science teacher told me she was in his face the other day giving him the business (a different business than lil wayne's).  I used to be all about that approach too, but realized it was doing anything to get JL to change his act. 

I'm taking the positivity approach because I believe he needs it.  He doesn't get it from teachers, he doesn't get it from his mother and step father, and he doesn't get it from the bilingual counselor.  They've given up on him or have chosen to take the hard line approach.  I also believe he can choose to do his work well while following standard school etiquette, instead of his own etiquette.  I see it here and there and now I've just got to make him realize that he can do that  more often.  It hasn't worked yet, but I've got something like 130 days to keep trying.

Ole Miss vs. Samford (9/20)

Gilson had the awesome idea of getting down to Oxford, MS to see the Rebels play against Samford in a classic good team beats the crap out of bad team game. Karl, naturally, was away for the weekend, choosing to go woo his ladyfriend's family into letting him marry their daughter. After spending Friday night watching CNN and killing a couple brews, it was a welcome change to have something planned to get us the heck out of Midtown Memphis.

Early Saturday, Gilson and I got up and put in a solid 10 on the roads of Memphis. Aiming to head out by 11:00 or so, we scarfed down breakfast after the run and hit the road. This was only my third journey into the territory that is Mississippi. Once we got a few miles down in I-55, we knew we weren't in Memphis anymore – open fields, no neighborhoods, and beautiful looking schools greeted us driving on the path to Oxford.

On the way down, I got started thinking about the history of Mississippi and segregation. Gilson and I talked about how unlikely it was for a white person in MS to vote for Obama in the election. It's boggling to think that there are still people alive who actively participated in the racial segregation of the country. How in the world could those same people elect a black President? Probably couldn't, we guessed. Yet, certainly some children of those segregationist southerners would be voting for Obama. I was trying to work out in my head how kids could grow up in that environment and not feel uncomfortable voting for Obama. My limited interactions with souther belles have given me some insight into the different types of people that still come out of the South. Anyways back to the adventure of the game.

We got down to Oxford in about an hour and half. It took us a while to find where to park – we drove onto the campus, got turned around a few times, and then finally circumnavigated most of the school and ended up parking off campus. We passed sorority and fraternity rows, which house some of the most hilarious people I've had contact with down here in Memphis. Surprisingly, we thought, there wasn't too much trouble finding parking that was only about a 10 minute walk from the stadium.

After parking, we walked over towards the Grove, the location of one of the best tailgates in the SEC. Not really having any idea where to go, we followed the general flow of people. We got on campus right around 1pm. Strangely though, we heard no noise coming from the football stadium. In fact, we could see tons of empty seats instead of frenzied, drunk Rebs fans. We walked through the Grove, and saw that it was only beginning to fill up. The tailgate parties were still in their sober stages.

Gilson and I made a costly mistake – the game was scheduled for 6pm, rather than 1pm. We felt like morons and regretted our coming down so early, but instead of thinking clearly, we panicked. Rather than embracing the 5 hour wait as a direct sign from God to party with his disciples at the Grove, we got scared, sold our tickets to a scalper, and got the hell out of there. Soon we regretted our hasty retreat and I second guessed us the whole way home. Only if we weren't stupid enough to leave for the game without checking for what time it started. It would have certainly been the perfect evening outing with Gilson, my new BFF.